May 26th this year I posted a blog about “The Dream vs Reality”, how I achieved my dream, but then realised that my dream wasn’t really what I wanted, and that was OK. Good advice to myself – I’ll take it. (feel free to go back and read it, it was quite raw to be brutally honest when I re read it myself).
So six months on from that epiphany blog, what has changed and why am I taking a sabbatical? and who exactly am I to think that anyone will actually be interested. Don’t care its my blog.
Well six months on, and I have just started grieving for an event in my life that changed me, I had a stupid accident that caused a brain/head injury trauma that at the time I was told would take at least 15mths to 2 years to recover, that was 3 years ago have I recovered? Physically yes, apart from some stressed induced vertigo and not being click click of the fingers mentally as fast as I used to be but out of 100 I am 90% there and as far as my body is concerned its done and dusted, I survived lets move on, get back on the bike Rach, go climb a mountain.
Emotionally and mentally, not quire sure I am there yet. But I am going to be.
So much changed in the 3 years since my accident, friendships, work relationships, connections with my husband/family, and the big one my confidence, and I chose to hide behind it as well, it became my crutch, my get of doing things card, I just assumed I couldn’t do it and people around me just thought I could not and would not, saying no and having very low expectations of myself had become the new normal for me.
This year two different situation’s arose, one being family and one a volunteer role which both broke me (the final nail so to speak) and when I needed to be that strong person that I was prior to the accident, to defend our family, I simply couldn’t find her, I just sat there and cried (even more embarrassing) while those who did not know our family or what we were going through at the time and also the family who did know and still thought it was ok to throw us and everything that we brought to the table away, just like last night’s fish and chip wrapping, and today both will still have no idea the effect their actions would have and still have on us as a family.
And that my lovelies in itself has been the biggest lesson of all for me this year, as much as you think and want people to care blood related or not and you want them to respect the work that you do and the effort you make, they just don’t, and the lesson is that’s OK, they are also just being human, they have their own lives and silent struggles and at the end of the day you work out that your humanity switch can be turned off if you let it.
I let it.
So my upcoming Sabbatical which officially starts on December 18th is not so much about re-defining my design side, I know that I am really good at that, I have designs and cool things running around in my head 24/7. In fact a fab friend and I are officially throwing our hat into the ring and entering the block 2020. I have lots of friends, a husband, 3 kids and 2 dogs that I adore. So much to be thankful for. I might even get a day job.
My Sabbatical is about finding me again, finding the confidence to be me again and learning to live without a head injury, because I no longer believe that I have one (probs wishful thinking) and also to try and turn my humanity switch back on.
The sticking plaster can finally come off, I am unplugging myself from the machine and will just see what happens. As long as dinner is on the table and everyone has clean undies in their drawer everything will be OK won’t it???
Frozen 2 is about to come out, so surely that’s a sign to…let it go….
So this blog is about me moving on, a fresh clean slate for everyone, myself included and I am very much looking forward to new blogs, being a dick and not caring what anyone thinks, being funny, I miss being funny! laughing at myself because I have been known to do some stupid things and up my Facebook game, more photo’s, more Instagram and reconnecting with those whom I love and disconnecting from those whom I know really do not wish to be in my life.
This girl just wanna have fun…….
And lastly, SANTA is coming, my favorite time of the year!